I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
