please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
