When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
