Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
