i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
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Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
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I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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