the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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