fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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