So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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