Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
