Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
