lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
