feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
NoShamevember. You game?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
