im drinking this country out of the recession.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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