I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
