Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
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