mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
