The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
the liver wants what the liver wants
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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