I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
