I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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