the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
