respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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