He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
