That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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