So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
