No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
