bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
