clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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