What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
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I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
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I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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