I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
should my penis look like a turkey
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
