glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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