His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
