Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
