Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
