She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
