3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
