what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Drunk is not a location!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
