your parents love me but you hate me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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