after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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