There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
