His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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