Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
