I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
