last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
