just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize