Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
