I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Holy sore nipples Batman
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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