i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I smell stomach acid.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
