The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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