Kiss
Puke
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
