i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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