this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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