Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
