No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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