woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I came so hard my ears popped.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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