She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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