He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
