I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
