The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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