Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
