fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
