So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
