After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Holy sore nipples Batman
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
