We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I wear drunk well.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
