dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
