fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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