Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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