I smell stomach acid.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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