yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
