Sry I called you an 8
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
