So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
