I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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