I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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