You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
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