I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
FUCK WHALES
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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