Kiss
Puke
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
