did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
