Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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