At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
