All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Randomize