We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
