dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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