Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize