The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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