I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
