You smell like stripper and shame
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
