$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
