whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
