Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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