Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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