I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
