Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
