gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
