the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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