just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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