Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
