She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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