She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
